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You can´t get a man with a gun

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Posts: 300
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Joined: 2 years ago

It is good to dream as many things start out as a dream. What works for me i am sure does not work for many other people as it is just one story and one opinion in this vast universe. We all have to find what makes us happy, and we all have different needs. The few lucky ones will find it and the rest of us will just have to continue to search. I think you can tell when a person is genuinely happy being with someone vs someone who does things to keep a guy around. I have met many of those. They are afraid to be alone. But the funny thing is even if you are with someone, that someone might not be around with you for the rest of your life. Or even when are you in a room full of people you still feel lonely. It is a state of mind. My experience is mine alone, and it shapes me the person that i am today....



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Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 195

Of course, we all have individual experiences, that can never be denied. And I enjoyed reading your experience as an example. As a Ketu in Scorpio, I understand the lonely side of existence, and the reality that things can change drastically at any point for anyone- down to my very bones.

But, I am just talking in general terms- at the level of ideas. Even ideas can be exploitative, and I am merely pointing out that a lot of Man-Woman ideas are very harmful. To say a woman must only be receptive is to deny her the existence of her own soul, her spiritual essence, which is only to men's advantage.
As Osho has written somewhere- the moment we realise the existence of our soul, we become rebellious. I thought that was interesting.

Yes, I may be a dreamer.. and to quote John Lennon- But I'm not the only one! 😉 😀 

Posts: 519
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I agree with Tuyet’s interpretation about being receptive meaning seeing a person or a situation without judgment or having a pre-conception. It is being in the moment and looking at things as they are in that moment.

I also agree with Leela that it is not only the woman who has to be receptive, but that men also need to be receptive to what is. Like Tuyet, I too am not the type who will follow people blindly. It has to make sense to me, it has to work for me, it has to add to my life, and it has to make me happy inside.

To give an example, I joined a woodworking group last year. I am still new to this and so I get a lot of advice and tips and things to help me learn. Most of it is given by people who give generously and out of abundance. I have no problem with that.

Then there are those who give because it makes them feel good about themselves. One of the men throws words at me like chivalry. I do not feel comfortable with his understanding of the word. I also do not feel comfortable with his trying to push his ‘chivalry’ on to me and his persistence in pushing at the boundaries that I have subtly laid down. Others notice my uncomfortableness, but he is so focused on action that he is not picking up my vibes.

I have given enough feminine subtle hints of ‘no’, ‘leave me alone’, ‘back off’, all of which have not been picked up. I have tried shutting down emotionally, backing down energetically, closing off mentally, distancing myself physically, none of which seems to work. All these subtle ways are also to leave some dignity for his masculine ego.

The last resort is becoming aggressive, which as a female, I do not like to do, and yet if there is no other option left, how else am I supposed to say ‘No’? That will hurt his masculine ego, but will he become aware of the many ways that I have tried to say no? Or will that backfire on me?

On the other hand, a healthy masculine ego understands ‘No’ and accepts it. I declined an offer from someone from the same group, and gave him another option of what I would prefer instead, and he was happy and gracious to accept my alternative.

I would not say that this is only true of men. In the same group, I have seen a woman have no consideration at all for a man’s ego and says ‘No’ and ‘Back off’ straight out, and hurting someone who didn’t need to be hurt. I would think of that as having too harsh a boundary and not having enough empathy. Funnily enough, or maybe it is the harsh reality, both the man and the woman who like to step over other people’s boundaries get on well together.

There was another discussion about women being receptive towards accepting men buying them dinner or flowers. I don’t think it should be a hard and fast rule. When I was younger and dating, we were all struggling financially. Some of my friends had responsibilities at home and I was happy to pay half of the bill. Others were happy to pay the full bill. And there were times when I paid and we both had no qualms about it. When both of us didn’t have money, or if the guy felt uncomfortable getting me to pay the bill, we would hang out in the park.

I guess it depends on what is important. For me, money wasn’t as important as spending time with people I liked, and so I was receptive to their needs in the moment and went with the flow.

Similarly, at the woodworking group that I go to, some people are happy to give me wood for free while others like to charge a small amount. I don’t think either way is wrong and I am happy to go either way, and say no when it is something that I cannot afford.

Hence, I will agree with Leela that each gender needs to be receptive and take turns with regards to taking actions according to the situation. Then make a judgment call according to the actions taken sequentially. People change, situations change. What once was might not exist anymore.

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