4th/10th Nodal Axis and Parentification
I've recently learned a new term and concept that perfectly describes a very dysfunctional dynamic I experienced as a child: "Parentification". This occurs when a parent puts their child into a caretaker role, either by making them responsible for tasks that are not appropriate for their age (having to parent siblings, having to cook every night) or by relying on them for emotional support and sharing emotions the child is not equipped to deal with yet.
Needless to say this can lead to a lot of long-term issues, such as being overly self-reliant as an adult, constantly putting yourself in situations where you're overwhelmed, a feeling of lost childhood and having been deprived of having a parent, feeling most comfortable being the caregiver for others, being disconnected from your own needs and feeling like you're responsible for other people's emotions.
I have Ketu in the 4th and Rahu in the 10th (with Ketu's ruler conjunct Rahu) and this describes my childhood experience to a T. My mother not only made me responsible for taking care of my infant children when I was a child (Rahu conjunct Mercury), but also leaned on my for emotional support from a very early age (Ketu in the 4th). I was thus confronted with a lot of adult emotions and fears from an early age and at the same time did not get any space to get my own emotional and developmental needs met. (I should also note that I ran Rahu dasa at the time.)
I was wondering if there are any other 4th/10th axis Ketu/Rahu people who have had similar experiences?
Thank you for bringing up this very important issue Francesca. Yes, I see this a lot with Ketu in 4th, one woman had to take care of two parents dying of cancer at a time before parental death was expected. I also see this dynamic with Ketu in the first house and I see it a lot with rahu and ketu across the 2nd and 8th house axis which is the uber responsiblity axis.
I have Rahu in Capricorn, Ketu in 7th house Cancer. Rahu falls closer to the 2nd cusp. There was no getting away from being responsible for others from a young age. I was already in Moon Dasa at 4 years old when my first sibling was born who became my first ‘child’ to look after, followed by my second sibling a few years later.
My father travelled for work, so I became the confidante of my mother. She became another child to take care of. As I grew older, my father started depending on me. Eventually, I became the bread-winner for the family until I got married and left.
Unfortunately, I repeated the same mistake when I got married, and took on most of the responsibilities, except the financial ones as I had a child to look after in a foreign country with no support. In hindsight, perhaps, I should have done it the other way around.
I was finding ways to make money and be self-sufficient from as early as 8 years, and wanting to leave the suffocating atmosphere. I craved for light, space and freedom. By the time I was 15, I was paying for my college education. For me, it wasn’t contained to a 4th house theme, but to a 7th house theme. So the energies played out in such a way that I was always asked to meet the emotional and financial needs of friends and acquaintances. Emotional, I could give; financial, not so much with Jupiter debilitated and DK and with Rahu.
With regards to my emotional needs, not only were they not met as a child, but showing emotions got confusing pretty fast. The atmosphere was always volatile and I became the emotional punching bag for everyone. Eventually, it became such that it was better to show neutrality to everything - no crying, no anger, no laughter, no fear. And then, because I would not show any emotions, I would be beaten so I could show some emotion 🤣 🤣 🤣 I can laugh at it now as I can understand how conflicting my energies might have been then, but it was confusing as hell as a child.
When I was a teenager, I could not even smile at anyone especially the opposite gender, as that would be met with suspicion from my parents.
It was when Mars Dasa started that I put a stop to the physical beatings. That became my bottom line, which has been getting higher as the years have progressed. It has only been recently, with Ketu maturation, that I put a stop to being an emotional punching bag for others.
Hi, yeah I have Ketu in 4th. I personally experienced separation from mother and unstable/unsafe homes. Ketu's house is ruled by my Atmakaraka Sun (residing in 8th house) and my Ascendant lord Venus is conjunct Rahu. I will say that there is a strong disconnect with my heart, and that finding a therapist who understands trauma and effective ways to heal the body is invaluable. Best of luck
I have Rahu on my third cusp, but it's in the 4th house. I strongly identify with Ernst's descriptions of the 3rd/9th Rahu/Ketu axis more than the 4th/10th, but I understand that my 4th bhava is still being impacted and have experienced those themes in life. Was born into Rahu period and my mom is just a very Rahu type of person.
Two younger brothers, single mom, made to feel responsible for the upkeep of the house and paid consequences if it wasn't. I can remember being 9 and being left at home with two siblings for nearly the whole day or whole evening if my mom wanted to go out gambling.
She didn't rely on me emotionally or anything, but she was (and is) extremely emotionally immature. The dynamic felt like old-soul child with toddler-soul parent kind of situation. We're like polar opposites but I've always WISHED I could have been the parent to her.