02/22/1991 10:30 am France Ermont
Saturday night late I hear a very loud lightning. I never heard a lightning so loud.
Sunday morning I go to an outdoor dancing class with a group. I arrived with a friend a bit late around 10am. I must have danced for 3 to 4 hours in the hot sun. I gave my shoes to the teacher because his was broken. We went home around 16h. While driving back I talked with a friend he drove me back half way, then I took my car to go home around 17H30.
While driving back I realized something about me and I couldn’t tell that to anyone otherwise I thought I would die; I started fearing for my life like I had some kind of secret I couldn’t share with anyone. I Arrived home my father was there, I talked a bit with him then I decided to share what happened to me as he believe in God. I tried to share my story but I couldn't as I was crying each time. I told him the end only because I couldn’t share the other part, I thought it was dangerous and couldn’t even if I tried. He believed me and prayed for me. When He prayed for me I felt some kind of heat in my hand, and at that point I behaved like I was Jesus himself. My father started to read some verses from the Bible. The one I told him I thought I relived that day as I thought the exchange of shoes was like Jesus washing my feet.I started to make all sorted of connexion between Pisces the feet, Aries the Head in my mind.
While he was reading the bible it was like I was I understood everything, I thought I was about to die like Jesus himself. Around 2 hours later I went to sleep, it was hard to do, I washed my hair as I thought It would help me.
I don't know if this is a spirtual experience or an hallucination from the Sun heat, I didn't drink enough water that day.
I´d say both.
Mattias
From my calculation your in Ra/Mo dasa. This would lead me to believe that the content of your experience is not as important as the mere fact that it was possible for you to have it. Like seeing reality though a kaleidoscope should inform you on the infinite ways reality, ourselves and others can be perceived but taking a kaleidoscope as THE definitive reality could be stepping into a world view in which you could lose perspective. Your Pratyantar dasa is Venus - Lagna Lord in the 12th house, so some ego death/dissolution/transparency is on the menu for sure. When the transparency of the ego is seen or experienced it is better to try and stay with the truth of transparency rather than to fixate and formulate around the new found identity. Usually these identities that are discovered in this way are ego's attempt at survival and appear in a way to make you feel special and unique, something you can cherish. Nothing wrong with having that experience but if you hold on to that tightly you can lose touch with reality and foster nervous break downs. So in the end I would say its better to not care so much weather it was direct spiritual revelation or a hallucination of the Sun and ecstatic movement but to just let it be and keep dancing with life, there is probably more to be seen and you don't want to trip crossing the threshold.
@quasar259 Actually I think the latter advice, not to hold on to it firmly, goes for anything of this kind. Often when people have experiences with ayahuasca and similar they tend to make it a big deal. Same thing with miracles, omens etc. But to my understanding that is just the normal way of life to work and we should know better than to be surprised. It´s better to look at it like from the corner of the eye, "something is going on, the universe is helping me with this matter", rather than gaze at it directly, pointing at it and yell "a miracle!". It´s creation going on, and creation is a very intimate thing. Not to be disturbed! We should focus on our tasks, often in a very practical way, shut up and be happy that things are seemingly going way. Respect and dignity. That´s my experience and belief.
So, Lorris: Just normal things going on, be happy that you have the capacity to see it but don´t make a fuzz out of it. (Which I don´t think that you are doing.)
Mattias
@meyes I wonder what you think about the connection between creation going on as an intimate thing that should not be disturbed and us focusing on our practical tasks?
@quasar259 I mean that often our task is to focus on our goals, taking care of the practical things mostly. And relations, of course. Meanwhile spirits/ancestors/Universe work silently to help us, if we are lined up with out purpose. That´s when omens, synchronicities and miracles show up, and that´s what I refer to as creativity. After all that´s Universe essence I believe, being creative.
To do the contrary, i.e. to focus too much on the synchronicities etc and too little on the worldly responsibilities is a little like those who focus on becoming saint-like or illuminated. When in reality it works the other way round: the more we admit our human and lower parts, the more probable it is that we are going to achieve that goal.
Those are my thoughts about it.
Mattias
@meyes I agree with you.
OP It's a nice breakthrough...but that's all it is, a breakthrough.
The important thing OP is that you keep going. Nothing has been "locked in". And certainly at this level, the challenge is to maintain full embodiment of your human life while continuing your spiritual development at the same time.
Especially meditating on a daily basis. Everything I have read, every teacher I have found agrees with this recommendation. Meditation on a daily basis for at least 30-60 minutes, keeps a seeker sharp.
"Usually these identities that are discovered in this way are ego's attempt at survival and appear in a way to make you feel special and unique, something you can cherish. " That's what I thought, also the fact that I thought I would die made me think it wasn't really something to hold on to. I actually felt like I was on drug, not myself at all. I'm usually very rationnal and I don't hallucinate easily. From a material point of view I'm wondering what you trigger that in me. From my spiritual pratice I wonder if it was my meditation that I did a lot recently. In any case I don't think there was anything that I learn from that experience, at least from it's content.
@lorris Just the experience of facing death, either through some direct physical threat or through intimate encounter with the truth of mortality in our mind and psychology is potent and powerful in assisting us to living with this truth on a day-to-day basis. If we live with the fact that everything we're experiencing can suddenly vanish, after overcoming fear and paranoia, most likely existence becomes incredibly fresh; everything vanishing beyond perception and yet everything appearing before the horizon of our imagination. Our experience is full of paradoxical notions that seem to function as fulcrums propelling our minds to deeper knowledge and wisdom of the truth of our experience and the limited notions set up by the ego. A very Rahu/Ketu thing, as Ernst writes in Chapter 5 of Character Effects of the Grahas, "Transformation in the spiritual man, or destruction in the non-spiritual"
From a rational point of view, our mind with the help of the five senses create our reality of the physical world. Our perspectives change constantly, from day to day. But there are times when the mind’s hold on reality is lessened, like when we are too tired or when the body experiences a severe reaction, and then there is a major leap in perspective and that reality that we are holding on to comes into question. The mind tries to grasp the meaning, but it can only do so in context with what it already knows. In your case, the context was Jesus and his miracles. For someone else, it would be something else.
The feeling of death and a fear for your life was indeed a true fear. But what really died or is on the way to die is your old perspectives. In a way, your mind is learning to look at things in a new way using the same five senses that it used before.
Some people get stuck in wanting to relive or recreate that ‘miraculous moment’ and start using drugs. But I think allowing the energy to flow naturally gives the best results, as it brings into consciousness any blocks that need to be removed.