Spiritual experience or hallucination or both
02/22/1991 10:30 am France Ermont
Saturday night late I hear a very loud lightning. I never heard a lightning so loud.
Sunday morning I go to an outdoor dancing class with a group. I arrived with a friend a bit late around 10am. I must have danced for 3 to 4 hours in the hot sun. I gave my shoes to the teacher because his was broken. We went home around 16h. While driving back I talked with a friend he drove me back half way, then I took my car to go home around 17H30.
While driving back I realized something about me and I couldn’t tell that to anyone otherwise I thought I would die; I started fearing for my life like I had some kind of secret I couldn’t share with anyone. I Arrived home my father was there, I talked a bit with him then I decided to share what happened to me as he believe in God. I tried to share my story but I couldn't as I was crying each time. I told him the end only because I couldn’t share the other part, I thought it was dangerous and couldn’t even if I tried. He believed me and prayed for me. When He prayed for me I felt some kind of heat in my hand, and at that point I behaved like I was Jesus himself. My father started to read some verses from the Bible. The one I told him I thought I relived that day as I thought the exchange of shoes was like Jesus washing my feet.I started to make all sorted of connexion between Pisces the feet, Aries the Head in my mind.
While he was reading the bible it was like I was I understood everything, I thought I was about to die like Jesus himself. Around 2 hours later I went to sleep, it was hard to do, I washed my hair as I thought It would help me.
I don't know if this is a spirtual experience or an hallucination from the Sun heat, I didn't drink enough water that day.
I´d say both.
From my calculation your in Ra/Mo dasa. This would lead me to believe that the content of your experience is not as important as the mere fact that it was possible for you to have it. Like seeing reality though a kaleidoscope should inform you on the infinite ways reality, ourselves and others can be perceived but taking a kaleidoscope as THE definitive reality could be stepping into a world view in which you could lose perspective. Your Pratyantar dasa is Venus - Lagna Lord in the 12th house, so some ego death/dissolution/transparency is on the menu for sure. When the transparency of the ego is seen or experienced it is better to try and stay with the truth of transparency rather than to fixate and formulate around the new found identity. Usually these identities that are discovered in this way are ego's attempt at survival and appear in a way to make you feel special and unique, something you can cherish. Nothing wrong with having that experience but if you hold on to that tightly you can lose touch with reality and foster nervous break downs. So in the end I would say its better to not care so much weather it was direct spiritual revelation or a hallucination of the Sun and ecstatic movement but to just let it be and keep dancing with life, there is probably more to be seen and you don't want to trip crossing the threshold.
"Usually these identities that are discovered in this way are ego's attempt at survival and appear in a way to make you feel special and unique, something you can cherish. " That's what I thought, also the fact that I thought I would die made me think it wasn't really something to hold on to. I actually felt like I was on drug, not myself at all. I'm usually very rationnal and I don't hallucinate easily. From a material point of view I'm wondering what you trigger that in me. From my spiritual pratice I wonder if it was my meditation that I did a lot recently. In any case I don't think there was anything that I learn from that experience, at least from it's content.