How did you deal with when you got broken up with your girlfriend or when you told about that ashram thing happened and you were heartbroken? I know you're the kind of person who tends to push themselves too much and are hard on themselves and I'm kind of similar and going through a similar phase right now so I know that journaling or inner child work isn't gonna be that much beneficial for me so I was wondering like how did you get over that pain? Was that just just insights that what you want is a inner fulfillment that you associated with that person and not that person themselves? Or like what was that? Because I think you're emotionally on the same wavelength as me and I wanna get over that even though I know that the emotional strings just aren't solvable to me, that desire to be in a relationship and then being heartbroken after because you weren't fulfilled yourself when you jumped into it. Can you explain what worked best for you and during that time what helped you? I remember you saying you also read Bhagavad Gita during that time but I tried doing that and it's like I'm just reading words they're not leaving mental imprint or my mind isn't just contemplating on that maybe it's because of the pain or loss of intelligence so what happened during that time? And how to talk with ur conciousness by bypassing the moons livesickness which just wants to be connected even tho it can't...
I looked for the meaning and purpose and right of it all. My pain came from thinking that something wrong had happened. I just needed to find the purpose of it all. So while yes, the inner child was sad, in the end, I have always taken care of myself emotionally, for me, it's when I get thrown a curve ball as well that leaves my mind with something I can't understand. So then, I do what it takes to understand it and that's where astrology, gita, etc etc have always helped.
So that worked for me for many many years, until I had an experience that I could not understand, or figure out, and I just had to respond out of my emotions and surrender to that, that was harder.
In the end, we have surrender to our understanding or our feelings. And if those are correct and healthy, its easy to surrender and move forward. So if you can't surrender emotionally, its because something needs to be worked on on an emotional level.
I have struggled with the same thing, but have difficulties in extracting the meaning and purpose out of heartbreak. I have felt ‘wronged’, that there was no justice and things didn’t work out ‘fairly’. Life has been throwing me many curveballs and I didn’t have a great childhood so generally I have been succumbing to victimhood, thinking life is really unfair and fearing it won’t work out.
I have tried to make spiritual pushes at time but struggled with consistency, impatience at lack of any results. I’ve followed in the past the most basic meditation technique from SRF of keeping awareness at the spiritual eye and trying to observe to the best of my ability what comes up. Because of this lack of results, I’ve also struggled with a lot of anger and feelings of hopelessness. It has been really rough.
My Jupiter is doubly starved by being in Taurus and with Saturn in the 7th. I imagine it’s the most likely reason for this. Although it’s delighted by a full aspect from Mars, Venus has no Digbala so can’t make up.
My hope is to return to a routine of spiritual practice, but I’m honestly not excited about it and feel God has just been silent.
@fkaecho Have you tried devotion as a path? Venus, rather than Jupiter?
Are you willing to share your birthdates? Your birth card, if you know it?
Staffan
@staffan oops, seems I accidentally deleted the entire thread when I removed my birth data?
perhaps you might want to ask the question about house cusps and PV yogas again?
@fkaecho And thereby you deleted my misreading. I can live with that.
Yes, I´ll ask Ernst about that.
👍
Staffan
@staffan an accident I promise!
To answer your earlier question about what I pray for, as much as I would love for things outside to flourish, I realise I have to be filled from the inside.
I generally pray that I may embody and feel God’s goodness in my life each day. Whether that be in how I act, think, feel. I also pray for all my mentors and counsellors who have supported me, as well as friends and family and loved ones that we can all be continuously guided on God’s best path for us. I also pray for the global situation at large now…
Are you familiar with the native American tradition of vision quest? I did one; or actuallyl, a bundle, four of them, but the last one I count as the "real", and my vision was Sunglint in water. Meaning: Being happy, or rather satisfied, is may first task in life.
Which doesn´t come easily to me; I have a tough chart too.
(It´s not the world, it´s me.)
I´ve come to understand that happiness isn´t a right as much as it is a duty.
And not only "a" duty, it´s THE duty that we have. To be grateful. Satisfied. Nothing is more important in life, I believe.
So I´d recommend you to let God run the world and not even pray for it, nor - at least for a while - for anyone except for yourself. Make it a statement that you have to focus on yourself for a while. As I see it it doesn´t make you selfish, it makes you responsable. And even humble, if it means that you understand that your main task right now is to take care of yourself and that you can´t contribute much to the world until you have found... I don´t know... Sunglint in water?
Just my thoughts, based on similar experiences.
Staffan
@staffan I just did a quick Google search and it sounds similar to a period of fasting, which is something I haven’t done in a while.
And yes, I think gratitude is also something I consciously need to work on in life. It’s been challenging to see what has been happening lately as anything but unfair, though I guess I really do need to push this habit of gratitude.
@fkaecho Yeah... Spirits have told me, and this is of course general knowledge on the spiritual path: the hardships are just life´s way to force us to discover our strengths. People who gives us stones in stead of bread are there to make us grow. But as I said in the posts that you accidentally removed: it´s easier said than done.
Gratitude yes, but don´t let guilt come into the equation, don´t feel bad for feeling bad. It´s OK. It takes time to melt a glacier. Babysteps. Little by little.
Staffan
btw, I think in one of the deleted posts maybe you mentioned something that I had forgotten from inipi, but that I always appreciated, so thank you for reminding me.
Which is that we should be careful what we pray for. Similar to what you mentioned, our waterpourers would use the example of praying for strength. You want strength? How do you get strength? You do hard things that make you strong; so life may send you challenges in order to make you stronger. A good point that I forgot about.
@j0sh4rp3 Absolutely. As usually my wife brings a good example of that... Her father was "commandante" of the border control in two mexican states and they where swimming in money. But it was a crazy life and the family - they were five siblings plus one that had died - was falling apart. She was 13 years old or so, and prayed for family unit, even saying that she didn´t mind if they would have to eat only benas and tortillas... Booom! A couple of days later one of her brother crashed against a tree on his motorbike, was lifted in helicopter to Mexico City and down the drain went much of their father´s savings... He couldn´t focus on defending his position at job and had to go down in ranks or quit; he prefered to quit and stopped making money. He ended up selling milk... But the family unity was restored, and honestly it probably saved him from a heart attack or assassination; he drove a new car every week due to security needs, so you can imagine... Her father is now gone, but the siblings and their mother are still very close and take care of each other. Actually it´s time for me to go to get my lunch now that she has prepared to me; my wife is traveling at the moment. 🙂
A former mentor of mine told me about a friend of hers that was praying for wisdom. "But all that I get is suffering!" Yeah, like... Didn´t you expect that?
Staffan
Its really important to work out our psychology before we can make the best efforts spiritually. ANd yes, meditation really helps with that, but if meditation is a struggle, its time to focus on the psychology. Many people have reported to me that their spiritual practices really improved after they healed some of their psyche. Have you tried the PAC in astrology course to help you with that?
@ernst I have done the course previously but will go through it again and take some more detailed notes to hopefully gain some deeper insights!
@fkaecho I face the same things, read "cptsd from surviving to thriving "
And "the body keeps the score"
Really helpful books but because of inconsistency i haven't been able to finish them either but great reads
@jesuschrist yes, I am pretty sure I have some level of C-PTSD.
i am the same with reading … ill see if i can get through them!