Hi all,
I have for a long time struggled to overcome having excessive need energy. As someone with Rahu in the 10th, I unfortunately grew up in a difficult and dysfunctional familial environment where I had a lot of responsibilities placed upon me from a young age. This has this taken a toll on me emotionally and in terms of my development.
I do not have a great relationship with my family because of this and also have a sibling who is struggling with their own mental health issues. I have also struggled a lot with comparison to peers my age, thinking I am behind and feeling really bitter about how ‘unfair’ life can be. As a result, I’ve also struggled a lot with mental health issues (namely depression and anxiety and a strong feeling of victimhood).
I have tried several times to make pushes with spiritual effort (meditation to the best of my abilities / knowledge of technique), in trying to maintain a positive attitude and trying to take remedials (including charity, mantra, prayer, flower essences). I am thankful that I have had support in crucial times when I have needed it and could have really gotten into exceptionally difficult circumstances. For the last two years however, I have found it really difficult as I have not seen the results I would have hoped in many areas of life. This has also led me at times to act recklessly / succumb to negative habits and patterns under the belief of ‘what’s the point of even trying, nothing works out’. Of course, this then leads to a cycle of regretting my actions / self loathing and is just really bad. It has also translated into my relationships.
Ernst has talked about this I think before in his videos as ‘excessive need energy’, though I think this probably exceeds the realm of just relationships. I was wondering if anyone had any advice to manage difficult times that can lead to this excessive need energy or even words of encouragement to take with me.
I have just finished Venus maturation. I am really hoping that with a Scorpio Mars in the 1st that Mars maturation will help me manage a lot of these issues with more fervour!
Thank you all for taking the time to read 🙂
Okay so if Ernst saw my chart in a compatibility reading he would tell the man to run as fast as they can lol I acted so needy and demanding to my ex-husband. My husband now is quite challenging himself in relationship and I have really learned a lot about how to accept and navigate my abandonment trauma through my marriage. The trick that works every time for me is to let the worst happen and challenge it. Is it really so terrible? When I’m stuck in that nostalgic feeling I just remind myself that I’ve felt this a thousand times before and I come out of it every single time. And if I’m feeling particularly strong, I will use the opportunity to give myself all the compassion and care that I keep demanding from others. And then i realize that if I’m capable of this compassion and demand it from others, then I absolutely have to give it to others as well. This became so much easier with God’s help.
It doesn’t matter if every action you take doesn’t work out because we don’t get to take credit for our successes. What’s important is that you act when you are inspired to, and let God decide what happens with your efforts. This is why I remind myself to be grateful for everything God gives me and to treat the world the way I want it to treat me. It’s also why I continuously work on myself so that I can distinguish what my true inspirations are.
@karinia That sounds like a good way to work through it and I really admire your attitude in general! I will try my best to go on with this. Distinguishing a true inspiration from an attachment of the ego can be tricky, and is something I am also struggling with.
Really appreciate your response 🙂
I can relate to some of what you've described. My advice is to avoid thinking of what is out of your control and focus on what IS within your control. 10th house after all is the most visible Karma house. What can you do in the world (10th) which is a result of and aligned with your values, beliefs and higher ideals (9th)?
Now that you're learning Astrology, you know there are many yogas tying us to the fruits of our past karma, all we can do is accept the cards we have been dealt and make the best of them in whatever ways we can. Focus on acting, rather than ruminating. On aligning your actions with your goals, authentic nature and morals. Say you're passionate about a specific field and you do your best to become good at it, continuously learn and improve, and try and be of as much service as possible (through action and creativity) to others through your craft. What's the worst that can happen? Maybe 5-10 years down the road you're still not as successful and financially abundant or respected as you would have hoped. But you can honestly look back and say "I really did what I could, I'm not perfect but I sure did my best! I worked hard, I had good intentions". This actually gives a lot of peace of mind.
Look at charts of people who have lots of planets, or planets with great LAs in the 10th house. You will find that they do A LOT. Is all of it perfect? No. Is the outcome exactly what they expected or wanted? No. But they don't spend too much time thinking about the outcome, they are too busy putting into action their next creative project. Of course, it's important to be honest with yourself about your authentic nature and do what actually feels aligned.
We can't help what family we were born into. What subconscious patterns were shaped for us due to our early upbringing. What we can do is use the Adult planets (Mercury, Venus, Jupiter) to improve our life in moderate, tangible ways. What works well in the world, works because of millions of people putting in the work, day in, day out, doing what they can - 99% of us are not famous, rich, gorgeous and adored. Just focus on your actions and on being useful to the world somehow.
Hope this helps!
@nkan thank you to both you and Karinia for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully 🙂 yes, definitely I have learnt that there is so much that is going on within the chart. Because of my own negativity biases, I have just avoided delving into astrology with respect to certain topics and have tried to just focus on the healing side of astrology.
trying to follow what is my true inspiration is something I have found challenging also, mostly because I am not sure entirely what it is? I have had interests and hobbies but have never been able to nail down what my inspiration is. There were certain things I dreamed of doing but was shy growing up and had many other things happening around me that I had to try my best to deal with. What I do know is that I care about helping others, in whatever way I can try. Ruminating has also been a huge problem for me and I pray I manage to make some serious growth out of that this year.
'99% of us are not famous, rich, gorgeous and adored' - haha, would be nice 🙂 I have been praying a lot and do hope that I manage to grow out of this comparative and bitter mindset I have been in for a few years now.
I think Ernst also discussed on the Svadharma video in the PAC course the importance of not focusing on the fruits and focusing instead on what inspires you. I have made pushes with what I find to be my inspiration at times but I am not really sure for me what it is!
thank you once again 🙂
@fkaecho Yeah right there with you, one of the most painul things in my life has been this precise confusion about what to devote myself to, and I always wanted it to be aligned with my values and ethics. Making money for money's sake never appealed to me but it's hard to reconcile your ideals with working within the constraints of a very materialistic and imperfect, often immoral, society. So yeah, it's been tougher than I could ever put into words.
My advice would be to not only think about the grander vision of your "calling", or craft, but to keep in mind the day-to-day activities. For example in theory being a lawyer is a desirable profession - comes with status and a nice paycheck, and you get to actually, hopefully, defend the law! I have an exalted Sun in the 9th, so I've often told myself "I should have been a lawyer" (I love debating and defending my position, too). However it would be a terrible fit for me. The day-to-day activities would be pouring through so much boring text in Legalese, not to mention that I would be often called to silence my own inner moral compass for the sake of doing my job.
Another example would be Youtube - people think the hardest part is recording yourself and showing your face. In fact the hardest parts are about writing so, so much, dealing with writer's block, being patient and silencing your ego, working on your own - it can be very lonely. My point is - think about the reality and day-to-day obligations of the profession before making that decision. Best of luck.
@nkan tell me about it... not to mention all the ‘interesting’ people you can meet along the way haha