After listening to some of the first episodes in the foundation course I wanted to let myself be heard and also if someone would like to hint if I am sort of understanding it.
As mentioned my birthcard is eight of clubs. My suncard therefore 6 of diamonds. I have been depressed all my life, just went 50 years old. My greatest struggle have been to find circles or jobs where I fit in. I have never felt that I am in the right place at work. Always some of the happiest days of my life when I finally left the old behind (especially jobs).
Today I have a small business that has given me some fortune over the years but that is now starting to crumble (loosing stuff as I did not manage my suncard at all).
Now I might realise that it was not about the jobs. The work that should be done was polishing the 6 of diamond. To be fulfilled no matter what. Is this my real work? Does it even matter what job I have? I have been so stuck in finding a job that fulfills me. Its like heaven opens up actually.
Maybe I answered my own question I feel very confused at the moment.
Edit: Later in the video Ernst said just that. I "only" need to change how I feel about this job.
This is mindblowing. At least I have a year and a half to polish that stone.
After listening to some of the first episodes in the foundation course I wanted to let myself be heard and also if someone would like to hint if I am sort of understanding it.
As mentioned my birthcard is eight of clubs. My suncard therefore 6 of diamonds. I have been depressed all my life, just went 50 years old. My greatest struggle have been to find circles or jobs where I fit in. I have never felt that I am in the right place at work. Always some of the happiest days of my life when I finally left the old behind (especially jobs).
Today I have a small business that has given me some fortune over the years but that is now starting to crumble (loosing stuff as I did not manage my suncard at all).
Now I might realise that it was not about the jobs. The work that should be done was polishing the 6 of diamond. To be fulfilled no matter what. Is this my real work? Does it even matter what job I have? I have been so stuck in finding a job that fulfills me. Its like heaven opens up actually.
Maybe I answered my own question I feel very confused at the moment.
Edit: Later in the video Ernst said just that. I "only" need to change how I feel about this job.
This is mindblowing. At least I have a year and a half to polish that stone.
Hi @kristoffer I don't have the same birth card as you, but I do have most of your cards in my spread, so I thought I'd speak to what you said. When you mentioned some of the happiest days of your life occurred when you left behind old jobs, I believe this can be explained by the Parivartana (mutual exchange) between your Venus and Mercury cards. Venus being the Ace of Hearts with the 12th cusp there, the 12th house is about rest/recuperation, and expenses/losses. It's with our 12th house where we figure out if the expenses we've been making (our money, our time, physical toll, mental toll, health, work, etc.), are worth the expense or whether we're better off taking the loss and letting go of those things so that we can rest and recover. The 12th house is also a Moksha bhava, which is the house of liberation. Which means your last desire gets fulfilled So to get that last thing that you need to make peace with your exit from the world. And the Ace of Hearts is a card that's all about the place where you feel happy, peaceful and at home. It's when your emotions are completely placid like a body of still water. It's peace. that's what the Ace of Hearts can bring. It's also the card of going on vacation—especially to a brand new destination. When this card is not afflicted, it can be the emotional phase where you find the most rest, peace, and tranquility/serenity.
Then, the 10 of Diamonds is your net worth and it has to do with our retirement fund. It's the money we get so that we can quit working. The 10 of Diamonds is Ok, I've got enough of a result that I can quit working. It's the money that lets you retire. The 10 of Diamonds says, I've worked enough where now I don't have to work anymore and now I can just focus on myself.
So this is the goal of any business related and work related activities you do in your life, Kristopher, because the 10 of Diamonds is your Mercury card and that card has to do with how we manage our life and so in combination with the Ace of Hearts (that it's part of the mutual exchange with) What this essentially shows is your goal in life isn't to work too hard (you don't have any black 10s, after all) nor is it to try and make your career your entire identity. Instead what you really need to be doing is just enough work so that you get the financial results you need that allows you to quit working and relax, so that you can go on vacation, or just so that you can focus more on yourself.
Hope this helps. Xx.
@kam You have no idea how much this helps for me. Damn.
This clears any doubts about what I need to do. Feels so god. Thank you so much @kam for this. I can release a lot of believes that for sure doesn't serve me.
After this post a lot has been running under the bridge so to speak. New people are showing up in my life.
I found myself a therapist who works with McKenzie method. Reading that book Ernst recommended and again my mind is blown. This therapy is just a 30-day block and we are going full in on this. This will be my work for 30 days. I have been setting this up unconsciously for a very long time. Ah shit its been going on forever. Ok. Now is the time. I need to straighten my back.
Hahaha I can't stop smiling about all this.
You can keep polishing that stone the rest of your life, even after you start focusing on the 4 of Spades, which anyway relates to theme your talking about.
I can relate to that feeling of trying to find a job or some external thing that would provide meaning for me. Really, meaning comes from finding your innate goodness and letting that flow through you (Jupiter), something I understand intellectually but still am learning how to "do" it.
@josh Thank you for your inspiring message! I have for many years also understood this from an intellectual viewpoint.
If you don´t mind answer: How do you mean that the 4 of spades relates to this?
4 of Spades - "security in self" is how I would gloss the card in this instance. So the focus might shift to Spades, yourself, and finding the inherent security that is to be had there. Also it is the Moon card, more internal. As you said, "to be fulfilled no matter", i.e., to be secure in your self, is what I was thinking.
Hi and welcome! (since you said you were new here, right?)
I don´t think you can find the answer for your depression, nor your problems with finding a social circle or job that suits you, just from your birth spread. I don´t think one spread is more naturally declined than others to depression or to not fit in. For that we need to know more about your personal spread, that is, where do the planets and cusps fall. It would also be very helpful to be able to read your horoscope.
Generally speaking 8C is a highly adaptable energy, and the 6D Sun card, to me, is not so much about being good at generating wealth as it is about being happy with little, having a knack for contentness, as I see it. The Mercury card - 10D - though, THAT is about high achievements.
8C is also a warrior in disguise, as indicated by the 3S on the Uranus card.
Recurrent depressions are often caused by afflictions to the Moon. Job/social problems, who knows, afflicted 3rd house, 11th house...?
Staffan
@staffan Many thanks for the welcome!
I have attached my birth spread and would love to hear more from you if you would be so kind.
I feel like I am so close. Close to finally embrace life more fully. Glimpses here and there. And definitely I have slowly been getting healthier (moving away from depression) over the last years. Less time spending in victim mode and so on.
Again, would be very kind if you would like to look at my chart for any insights.
I would love to hear a second opinion, but from a quick glance, it seems to me that your depressive tendencies comes from some separation drama from your first year in life, as indicated by Saturn in Cancer. Your Moon card is obstructed by Saturn; that´s another way of saying the same thing. 8C is in it´s ideal state very rooted in him/itself; 4S indicates a very stable person and, typically a stable psyche, and having that on the place of the psyche, one could say - the Moon card - well, it´s a necesseraty foundation for all the changes in life that 8C will expose itself too. In your case, that security isn´t as solid as one would wish, again - due to some experience of insecurity during your first year in life. Ernst speaks thouroughly about this in his astrology course PAC, "Parent, adult, child", which I recommend.
I have an 8C son, and even if you are all different of course I´ve gotten to know the card and it´s tendencies quite well. Fun fact, by the way: I see that you are born in Gothenburg; well, my son is in Gothenburg this very day for to travel to South America tomorrow; I´m a Swede too and he has been living in Småland with my parents for four years. Anyway. 8C´s greatest challenge I´d say, as indicated by QD on the Rahu position, is stability. You are symbolized by a leaf floating in the wind, so my guess is that your difficulty to find a place in life to a degree is due to an inner resistance to it, a fear of getting caught and bogged down. It´s a freedom card, perhaps the most freedom loving card of them all.
So that may be the reason, or at least a part of it: the inner security that is necessary for to float around in life is harmed to a degree, which you should look into, I believe. Still live in Gothenburg? Meditation close to water, conversations with the rocks...? And, also, as said: possibly an inner resistance towards the idea of staying too long in one place or in one group of people.
Anyway it´s a Saturn related problem, and those have a tendency to approve over time, just as you say.
Oh, and yes, 6 of Diamonds is very much a card of contentment, rather than actual wealth. I encourage you to explore that side of yourself, just as Ernst said: a change in attitude, a little selfconfiance in this real, may make a huge difference. If you are anything like my son you have a huge talent for thriving in simplicity, minding the details - allthough I know that your Moon in bad dignity makes it harder for you than it should be had your Moon been better, but it should still be there, under the surface. "Den som blir glad av lite har mycket att vara glad för."
Staffan
🙂 Resonates a lot everything you are saying. My mother left with my sister when I was around 1,5 years and I stayed with my father who later committed suicide when I was 12. So probably this is the separation drama you are talking about.
You are on point with the inner security. Actually it doesn´t really matter when I think about it, if it is a job or a social circle. I am not secure in myself alone either so yes, grounding work should be in focus. I do still live close to Gothenburg yes.
Very much appreciated Staffan for taking the time with me.
@kristoffer You are welcome to write to me if you want to, in Swedish of course. It´s mattias.sigurdsson@gmail.com. Yeah, my name is Mattias Staffan; I´m in the process to change to using my second name more.
Staffan
@kristoffer Ah... I looked up you chart in the Kala program and discovered an inetrchange between the 11th and 12th lord (Mercury in Venus sign and v v). That tends to create interruptions in relations with friends; not the siblinglike relations that the 3rd house indicate, but rather more superficial relations; networking etc. Not drastic breaks as the 8th house would indicate, but rather losses. Similar, but less dramatic.
Staffan