The dilemma of giving advice
How is it that the deeper one looks at things, the more words seem to be futile? With the cards, I can see nature play its role and the progression of life. I see that there is indeed nothing that we have control over. With astrology, I can see the transitory movements of the planets, and how things change every second.
When I compare it to my life, I see the flow. When I compare it to the way my mind interpret things while living life, I see the flaws.
I have had a few requests recently for advice. How does one distill down Jupiter’s wisdom that comes from experience down to Venus’ healing? How do I intepret nature’s flow to suit the minds flaw? The only phrase that comes to mind is “You’ll be fine”, but I know it is not enough when the mind is confused and pulled in different directions. How does one help someone make a decision when life itself is dragging them along?
Perhaps it is my own Avasthas hindering me from seeing what I need to see.
I am wondering the same things myself and I think you are spot on about your own Avashtas. Work them out and then it should be easier :). And for the advice to other people...maybe apply the same principle - advise them based on their Jupiter/Venus Avashtas. What do you think?
Until the mind learns to live in the moment it will cause problems. it needs to be trained to be present in the hear and now which is where it can operate effectively. Outside the hear and now the mind just wastes energy, sets itself up for disappointment, and allows fears and phobias a free run. There is no answering questions for a person whose mind is overly busy doing those things.
I feel a little silly writing this since I feel like you are far wiser than me, but I still wanted to share my own perspective on this.
I’m not an astrologer, but I’ve regularly found myself in situations where people ask me for personal advice of some kind. In my birth chart Venus is in really good LA shape. My Jupiter is starved, but actually really strongly and nicely delighted by two planets. This is just for some context. I think my advice tends to skew more to the Venusian side. I wouldn’t say I’m the type of person to just innately have faith in life (not very Jupiterian). Here’s what I’ll usually do when someone comes to me in a difficult situation.
Over the years I’ve noticed that sometimes all that people want is for someone to listen or vent. So my first question (especially with people I know really well) is: “Do you want comfort or solutions?” I remember so many instances of talking to friends about their relationship problems, giving them advice, they would ignore the advice and come back again for advice 😀 . I remember how crazy this would drive me – the answers to their problems seemed obvious to me. But they weren’t there yet, they just hadn’t hit rock-bottom, or it just hadn’t clicked for some other reason yet. It was deeply frustrating. At the same time, looking back, I can’t say I’m any better and claim that I have instantly implemented every great piece of advice I’ve ever been given. So sometimes you might have the right advice for them, but they won’t learn the lesson until they’ve felt it, come to that realization on their own, and have that inner desire to change something. In that case, offering them a solution when they need comfort is going to be frustrating for both them and you (in my opinion). I've tried to stop doing that and give people what they need rather than what I wish they accepted at the time.
Depending on how in touch with their emotions and how self-aware people are, they will sometimes be able to tell you that they only want comfort. In that case, what I like to do is just attentively listen, empathize with their situation, and tell them to let it all out. Sometimes people just need to have a cry or actually express their anger. Letting them do that, I find, can be really cathartic (also from personal experience). I also try to always acknowledge and validate their feelings. Say someone feels that they were wronged by someone. In my personal opinion, it is completely irrelevant to me whether this is actually true. They feel they were wronged, they might feel betrayed and hurt (it feels real to them, so I feel that's what needs to be addressed). Just having someone else acknowledge your pain and not invalidate it, I feel helps people feel seen (or heard) and helps them move on. I feel like astrology can be a really powerful tool to do that. If you can see what is happening astrologically in their birth chart, just describing the situation to them and helping them feel seen can really go a long way in providing comfort. I also like to ask lots of questions to confirm whether I understood what they told me correctly. This helps me understand the problem from their point of view and I find that it helps people process their thoughts because they hear their situation related back to them from someone else’s point of view. This style of listening/inquiry sometimes automatically leads to them coming up with their own solutions.
Sometimes they may not know that they want comfort and seek for advice. If they keep coming back or their eyes glaze over, I have gone over to keeping my advice to myself and just comforting them.
If they legitimately do want advice, I tend to do the following: I start with the same procedure described above (listening, empathizing, asking for clarification) to try to get a clearer picture of the situation. I always ask them what they’ve already tried to do. I also ask them what sort of outcome they are hoping for. If there is someone else involved (boyfriend, boss, etc.), I try to also analyze and describe to them what their motivation might be (so they can try to see this from a different point of view). (I also do this in case I’d like to suggest a solution that is a win-win situation for both.) Depending on how well I know them, I then describe a few solutions/paths that I see they have with their pros and cons. I tell them what I would do if were in their situation first, but I always stress that that may not be the right solution for them. I then tell them to take some time to reflect and go with whichever solution feels right to them. I feel like this could also easily translated to astrology by looking at which path would make them happiest (even if you see they’ll pick the hard path because they have Sarpa Yoga 😀 ). I feel like that’s all you can do: Show them their options and then let them decide.
Things I personally never do, because I feel they have never helped me are: Tell them to just relax and not make such a big deal out of this thing 😀 (You seem like a lovely, evolved person, so I highly doubt you would tell this to someone, but you’d be surprised by how many people have told me this). I also rarely tell people that things will be fine or that God will protect them or the universe will ultimately put them on their right path or something to that effect. The reason I don’t is the following: I mentioned above that I really struggle having innate faith in life/God/whatever you want to call it. I’ve lost count of how many people have told me “it’ll be fine” or “just have faith” over the years. (However well-intentioned this may be) It hasn’t assuaged my fears or made me feel less anxious ever – it actually does quite the opposite. I feel like either you are the type of person that already has faith and knows things will be great in the grand scheme of things (then you won't need to be told this). Or you are just don’t have that faith innately and having someone point that out to me is going to make them feel even worse. It certainly isn’t going to make that faith spontaneously develop inside them 😀 . When people tell me “it’ll be fine”, I always feel like “that’s great, but I don’t want it to be fine later, I want to feel fine now”. So (and this is probably Venusian advice, too) I always tell people that their situation is tough and I would probably feel sad/angry/despondent as well. And then I also suggest something they can do to feel better now (to whatever extent that is possible). What would that be for them? It can be any type of self-care (taking a bath, taking a nap), type of meditation or walk in the forest, listening to music they like, getting take out, cuddling with their dog. It won’t solve their problem, but it can at least calm them down and lower those cortisol levels so may be they can go back into their situation rejuvenated and with batteries charged and maybe they’ll find what the right solution is for them on their own.
I’m sorry for another excessively long post. I know this is only tangentially related to astrology. I still wanted to share my experiences and approach to giving people advice or providing comfort. This isn’t the right path for everyone. If any thing here seems useful, great!