I killed two robins
 
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I killed two robins

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j0sh4rp3
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(@j0sh4rp3)
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I didn't sleep well on Thursday night and woke up about 5am on Friday, about 1.5 hours earlier than normal. I tried to do my normal routine but I just had no energy. Since I'm studying the Cards of Truth, I pulled a card: 7 of Spades, so interpreted that as: rest and don't do anything. So I took a nap. Around noon I went to the library to get some books, since I had started the first in a trilogy which I liked, so I went to get the other two so I would have them.

On the way back, I was driving and something caught my eye to the right, two birds, robins with 90% certainty, one chasing the other as they do in spring. They flew under my car. I think I heard them hit, though it that could have been my imagination. I flinched. As I drove on I looked back and both were lying in the road. I guess that's a 7 of Spades sort of thing too...

I really don't remember what I was thinking about at the time..."cryptomnesia"?...anyway, it doesn't seem like a good omen really.

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(@mitryendra80)
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Maybe it means those next two books are going to suck? Hopefully thats the worse of it. A poor way to "kill time"?

Also, is there someone in your life you do things with, or with whom you are involved in a close way, who may on a negative downward spiral or just be taking a dangerous path who may end up taking you down as well if you are too close and involved? It may not be intentional, but they may using up too much of your own energy as well, which would be bad for both of you.

These are just amateur guesses on my part.

Good luck.

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j0sh4rp3
(@j0sh4rp3)
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@mitryendra80 

Your points about a person in my life are certainly suggestive. See my response to Ernst below where I talk about my mother; it almost certainly has something to do with her. Thanks for the thoughts

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Ernst Wilhelm
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7 of spades is a card of not rest exactly, but limitations. Whatever our limitations are, that's our 7 of spades. And yes, when we hit that wall of limitation, we may need a rest as it can be exhausting to hit a limitation. All birds are messengers, robins are messengers of spreading growth, so maybe you hit a limitation on spreading growth to someone or several people around you and you need to integrate something within ourself to get past that limit?

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j0sh4rp3
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@ernst 

That certainly tracks for me. Even if I wasn't thinking about it in that moment, I had been concerned about something regarding my mother for a few days. She keeps trying to do the same thing and it doesn't work. I've subtly tried to help her by giving her books which might help, if she were to read and consider them. I gave her a book about Non-Violent Communication, but she just thought I was trying to tell her she is a violent person, not that I was trying to help her. It's quite sad because she is suffering, but she thinks it's because of the external world and won't consider her own role in what happens in her life. She's not evil or anything and I don't want to cut off contact...at the same time, I don't actually want to spend time with her because it is very unpleasant and tense for me. Her nervous system is in a chronic state of sympathetic activation. If she were willing to try Somatic Experiencing or something that I think it would really help, but it doesn't seem like she willing to try something different.

She didn't get the love she deserved when growing up, so I think that as her first son she thinks that I should love her. So it feels like she is chasing me and trying to make me do that, while driving me away in doing so.

Thanks for helping me make that connection.

 

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Ernst Wilhelm
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Thats tough Josh. In a situation like this, the person has to grow out of their need. To do this, they need to be move loving, contributing with no need for reward, and understanding of others. The trick is to use their need to get them to do the move loving, contributing and to gain understanding. So give her and others like her an opportunity to do these thing for you and for others. You can even say, I really need you to do this or that with me, for me. whatever, be more in need, then they can be more loving. Hurt people often can't be loving until the other person is in greater need. its just how it works, the greater need determines who will be the more loving in any moment. the one less in need will be the more loving even if ONLY cause they need that other person to be okay in order to get what they need, but once they start that loving process, it heals their own need. 

 

hurt people cant be in good relationships with people who seem to be in great shape, i say SEEM cause often some people bury all their hurt and another shows it all and so the one showing it all gets all the care from the one who buries it until the one who buries it cracks from not having their needs met. 

 

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(@manisha)
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@j0sh4rp3 

This might come a bit late, but the amount of conversations you were having that day between your conscious and subconscious mind amazed me. Here are my interpretations -

The 7 of Spades denotes the beginning of the end. The omens had been about not taking action since the day started. Spring is the time of rebirth that occurs naturally. By taking action, the result would be similar to the end of the chasing, but it wasn’t just the bird who was chasing that died but also the other one who was involved in the game. It would also denote that the chance of something new to begin was denied.

Reading about your mother, I wonder if you were subconsciously thinking on taking firm actions to put a stop to her chasing you. That problem between mother and son is unfortunately a universal one, especially in the older generations. The changes that a woman goes through once she has a child are tremendous. To be able to better look after the child, she has to shift completely into her Moon persona, knowing by intuition what her wards need to ensure their survival and growth. She becomes used to being on stand-by all the time. She learns to live to fulfil the needs of others. Living in this way, day after day, 24 hours a day, the habit becomes second nature. Since it has now become unconscious or subconscious, it is hard to break.

When the kids grow up and if she hasn’t been able to balance her Moon persona due to various reasons, the slow or sudden withdrawal of her kids leaves her lost without understanding the reasons behind it. She ends up continuing to live with a sympathetic nervous system even when it is not needed anymore.

When things go to such imbalance, one of the best ways would be to help her pragmatically instead of helping her to understand it intellectually. Once she sees the results in a concrete manner, it will help her shift faster. What I would suggest is getting her to activate her masculine planets - Mars, Jupiter or better yet, her Sun. It might take a while, but it will be a step by step journey in the right direction. Before you know it, she will leave her Jupiter child (you) alone, and follow her own happiness (her personal Jupiter).

Perhaps, as the omens point, it is time that the change will take place and all you have to do is just point the direction (being Jupiter) and not take action (being Mars).

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