@pam The COT course will help you understand yourself and your path a bit better. It is shorter than the astrology course, but the depth is profound.
As a fellow Queen of Clubs, I can understand your journey because mine has run on similar lines. Our path is that of the 9 of Spades, undergoing deep suffering and yet being ok with what we have and what we don’t have. The process is intended to bring about death of our ego and to understand life on a deeper level.
Our Pluto card is the King of Diamonds - as soon as we have something, it gets taken away. With our Neptune card being the King of Hearts, we have to learn to give love unconditionally despite our pain and suffering. Once we get to that stage, we get more of the same and the cycle continues.
With our Saturn card of 5 of Spades, we are learning to survive through anything that life throws at us and reaching for more, thus deepening our faith. Thankfully with our Sun card of 10 of Spades, we have the strength to go through the worst. And with our Moon card of 5 of Clubs, we find what we need to carry on.
I am in the midst of focusing on something, so I can’t help you read your chart, except maybe a quick run-down through COT. But if you feel like having someone to talk to who understands your journey, let me know and I will give you my email address.
Depending on your age, you might be interested in looking at the Rahu-Ketu courses and the Avasthas courses. Your ‘need’ for home and family might be getting triggered at the moment. The Avasthas course will help you understand that need more to be able to deal with it.
I´ve had a quick look on your chart Pam but I´m not experienced enough to go deeper into your concrete question; whether you are going to turn back to UK or not. All I can contribute with is a couple of observations; for example your lagna lord is in the 7th house, so there is a strong emphasis on relationships in your life; be it a partner in love or business or be it som kind of public/audience. Your ascendent, in the card system, falls in your 5 of Clubs Moon Card, underlining your tendency for and need for change; the image in nature for that card is about leaves directing towards the Sun; finding God, finding the truth; rather beautiful. That also resonates with your Venus card, 7 of Diamonds; that card has another face one can say, that is 9 of Heart; it´s an indication about not finding in this world what works; aiming for universal love. So you may feel in any relationship that it´s not good enough; you are longing for a deeply spiritual, over-worldly connection. Your 5th cusp is there - indicating creativity and children - and so is Venus, that in your case represents your mother as well as your children; it indicates a deeply spiritual connection with your children; maybe that´s why you have been able to live far away from them, since you have a deep connection anyway? A relation that does not quite work out in a worldly sense of the word, there is a lack of practicality or a concrete problem attached to it (being away) as indicated by the number 7 (ending of something) of the Earth suite (something concrete, manifested and practical); but as I said, that card is a gateway to the 9 of Hearts; universal life; it´s like flipping a coin; crisis in this world/a notion of universal love.
There is more to it... Your Sun in the 3 of Diamonds Mars card makes me think that you are somewhat of a perfectionist, always wanting to do your best in everything you put your mind to. Perhaps using a somewhat psychic skill; photography, fasion, fengshui and any kind of job where you are connected to the energy flow in some way; there may be a lack of concrete practicality; personally I have it on my Sun card and I feel the concrete practical world so booooring; it takes me a day to make a hole in wall just because of pure drudgery...
Your progressed cards indicate that you are in processing your 7 of Diamonds card right now; that is accepting the limitations of this world and embracing - hopefully - the other side of that card - that All you need is love, and that what you really need and long for is beyond... Well, that´s my interpretation, partly based, I guess, on my own experience of having that card as my Mercury card. After that, when you turn 63, you will be under the influence of 6 of Spades; that´s being fully grown- up, mature and independent.
And many other thing, of course... Your main question I leave unanswered, I hope you will find an answer for that in the course.
Hi Pam and Everyone,
This is synchronicity for me because I have had the same intense desire to return to my home state (Florida) for about a week or so. I am currently running a Ketu antardasa and Ketu is exact Rasi-aspecting my 4th cusp. Mercury is the bhukti lord (3rd level) and Mercury is my 4th lord. The phenomena that comes into my life also reminds me of my childhood, like watching certain Netflix shows based in Florida that awakened strong desire to return there. And even throwing out all of the misgivings and ambivalence I've had about Florida before this time period and transit. It is almost over (the Ketu antardasa)and I know that I won't be returning there, but, wow! what an experience that I cannot remember feeling.