Here Rahu in 9th in Sag.
AK Ju with Sun in 12, Pisces, combust.
Teachers have been the people more significantly have affected my life.
When being involved in some project with them, life was full of meaning. I just knew what I wanted to do and I did it.
However after some years I had to eventually leave them. I did not know how to properly relate to them. Falling in love with fantasies. Or becoming small, submissive or as a child, not having a voice...
To leave was not easy at all, many many tears but the learning stays.
The first half of Rahu Dasa I was mostly searching for knowledge at University. But nothing important happened, although love for some books, it still remained like shallow entertainment. But in 1999 I started to dance, so my first interaction with a human teacher, gave me a new power, maybe partly the subject was the body, but it was so deeply nourishing..., vitality and spirit motivation, for a couple of years. And soon after, 2003-2010 the most radical transformation. This time with a Japanese dance teacher.
As Rahu Dasa was ending, I felt it's enough. It was getting too toxic with him. I turned the page.
He was often abusing of my willingness to help him. Never showing gratitude or kindness. Nevertheless it was in that context and with him that I could learn and evolve as anywhere else.
Once I entered Ju Dasa, I got other teachers, they've been much nicer with me. And usually after one learning-relationship fades a new teacher appears.
In Ju Dasa I noticed my awareness started. During Rahu dasa I was really in a cloud. Getting adult in Rahu dasa has been like entering a world with no idea at all of anything around me.
I could only see my desires/inspirations, which I could follow without any concern, also without responsibility, but quite often full of joy. Nothing however was built. Everything ephemeral.
With Ju dasa, the desire to build came up, the need to be part of a context, regulations and therefore difficulties and frustration. Lagna lord Mars only starved by Me. None to help.
Maybe one day I will manage.
I see in people with a good Sun the power of faith. I don't have that, yet. Not yet shining but it's there waiting for me.
I keep thinking why Rahu felt much easier..., maybe because Aries Lagna just want to do and results matter little?
So far I've learnt different skills, and witnessed attitudes. Now studying Vedic Astrology is helping me so much to know myself and to have a sort of belief system? or a map to think about life...? but to figure out my own path I can see I'll have to make it, on faith stone-steps, although inside of me...the illusion always blinking...begging who can tell me? If I could sneak away...