Dear Ernst and all,
I am looking for help because I am suffering from an very strongy manifesting obsessive compulsive disorder in regards to cleaning and washing which is accompanied by much fear and panik attacks. Now I understand that I have this since appox. 2008, at least thats what I remember as the first time I noticed it, but it was not as strong as now. It startet to get out of hand beginning of April. I would say 4th, 5th and peaked around 9th. I was cleaning without end or I could not get out of the bathroom for 4 hours because I could not stop washing myself. Then is great anxiety to be dirty or contaminated. Going to toilett is horror. Then there is also great anxiety and panik to get into a cycle of cleaning and me not being able to stop. I was living alone. I cant do this at the moment and I cant be alone. Its freaks me out. I amwith my wife now. Like that its better. Basicaly I am totaly disfunctional at the moment. There is much more to say to explain properly but too much to write. I think it gives the idea.
I am trying to find theraphy which is not so easy. I found a lady who works with Trauma. We start next week. I did something else too. I am taking homeopathic medicine and CBD online to take away the panik. I am trying to find a good Klinik which is also not easy to find something quick.
If anyone wants and is able to look at my chart and give some suggestion what would better the situation, what caused it or anything else I would be gratefull.
My birthdata:
Date:September 1st 1980
Time:7am
City: Mödling
Country: Austria
Thanks in advance
Narottama
Thanks for the answer.
Virgo, sign of cleanliness, sounds interesting and fitting. Which Bachflowers would you reccomend?
If you can, it's better if you take this bach flower course which is a small course, so you evaluate your overall symptoms and select appropriate remedies now and going ahead too...
@amit I dont have the capacity to watch that course and try to understand what Bachflower fits. My situation is beyond self medication. But still thanks for the suggestion and taking time to answer and trying to help. I appreciate.
It´s painful to hear about your experiences. Have you considered joining a 12-steps-program? There is a tradition called Neurotics Anonymous for people with mental and emotional illness. The twelve steps groups offer such s simple cure that one would never think it helps, but many millions of people with severe problems in addictions, codependence etc, have been helped. It´s especially good for dealing with anxiety and stress! I recommend you fullhearted to try it. If you can´t find a group where you live there are probably groups online that you can join.
As for astrology, what first comes in mind is your afflictions in Virgo of course, as Amit says. Virgo is also your Svamsa, which gives the effect of being stressed by worldly imperfections. Basically: intolerance. It tends to manifest as skin problems, and in a way your obsession with washing yourself has to do with that, right? The Bach flower course doesn´t go into the Svamsa indications though, and the indiciation Ernst gives for Saturn in Virgo has more to do with lethargy. That is not the case, right? I recommend you to speak with a Bach flower therapist.
You have Rahu with your 12th cusp. Have you been overly dutiful, working too hard? Rahu with the 12th cusp tends to make it hard to relax and Ketu with the 6th makes you look for security in hard and constant work, so my guess is that the stress has been building up because of that lies beneath your problems. For that Bach flower could help too. (Both Rahu´s and Ketu´s Lords are part of the afflicted complex in Virgo.)
Mattias
... and then we have the Cards of Truth, are you familiar with them?
If your birth time is correct, you are a 10 of Diamonds (but if you were born just five minutes before that, you are not).
Your Sun Card is then 8 of Spades, and that should give you a great capacity for doing things in your own way, in your own pace. But your Rahu falls there, restraining that capacity. It partially blocks your natural instinct to trust your own way, your own time, not relying on any watch or other people´s concepts. That would of course be frustrating and stressful.
The Rahu card itself is 9 of Hearts, a "fool´s" card, indicating basically the same thing as your Rahu with the 12th does in the astrological chart: difficulties to letting go, having vacations, trusting God and just be blessed. Like the Fool in the tarot deck, or Forrest Gump or Anandamayi Ma. That´s what life is challenging you to do, and typically your problems show up now when you are about to become 42 and Rahu knocks on your door. It is now, at 42, that you have the capacity to learn this lesson.
So how to become a sacred fool, or at least strenghten that part of yourself? To develop a number 9, the right thing is to do the number 3 (since 3 squared is 9). And Three of Heart stands for increasing love, but also devotion. Are you on a devotional path? Finding a devotional path, if you don´t have one already, is going to allow you to release your mind and learn to trust your lovely Sun card, 8 of Spades, which is all about "my way, my time, noone owns me". An anti-stress card that should be yours, and as a Ten of Diamonds you really need full access to that capacity, it´s the foundation of who you are supposed to be. (Your Rahu in Leo confirms that you lack integrity, lack firmness in your own way of doing things. For that: Century in Bach Flowers due to Ernst´s recommendations. And Larch for strengthening your Rahu lord/Sun/self esteem)
Since your AK is Saturn I wonder what you think about being devoted to mother Nature? Hugging a tree, praying with a waterfall. Have a conservation with the mountains; I guess there are a few where you live.
How does that sound for a solution?
Mattias
Short version of what I´ve just been writing: Your underlying problem seems to be stress and wanting to carry too much. That´s what triggers your Svamsa in Virgo and other Virgo indications, pushing you into compulsive behaviour.
You should focus on the stress part, releasing it.
Mattias