Hi Narottama,
I think you are already on the right track because you are aware of it. It is a huge step.
Adding onto Ernst's points, it might be worth it to remember that we are all made in god's image. And by definition god is in us - whether we scrub or not.
We are all in the journey on Earth to realize that we are made in the image of god. That happens when we can be in balance with everything. The inertia from fact that you are making an effort to move to that balance will help you get started on that journey.
Wish you the best in your healing.
I have Sun-Saturn conjunction in the 6th house and it affects my planets in Virgo too. I understand your need for cleanliness. Having a child has taught me that there is only so much I can keep clean. But there are still certain things that I will not compromise on, like a clean kitchen and cooking and eating utensils, because I understand the value of hygiene. There was a time when I experienced the OCD behaviour that you describe just before my Rahu maturation. It manifested less in a cleanliness way and more of an organisational way. Chaos and disorganisation gets to me more. If I had worked for someone, I would have earned a great deal of money!!! I later realised that what I was sorting out was really the chaos in my mind. It is hard to make decisions when conflicting emotions are involved.
I am on top of it most of the times, but there are still times when the chaos in my mind gets too much and I feel the need for organisation. Instead, I leave everything and solve a puzzle. The bigger the feeling of chaos, the bigger and more complicated the puzzle needs to be for me. It calms my mind down, puts me into a zone disconnecting from supposed problems, and allowing my subconscious mind to work through whatever the jumble is about.
I had a look at your chart again today. This is what I am seeing - This year, you have Sun, Moon and Mars in ashamed avasthas, Moon and Mars agitated, Mars and Jupiter starved. The time period you are going through is that of the Jupiter card of change. What and how you change will put you on a path. It follows the Mercury card of 6 of Diamonds denoting that the value of the situation is as good as it gets on this earthly plane before it starts to deteriorate. The Jupiter card is an Ace of Diamonds, which denotes a fresh start and new beginnings. The cusps that fall in that card are the 4th and 7th.
The Jupiter card has the Ketu card of 5 of Clubs and the Neptune card of 10 of Spades falling in it. Allowing something that has served its purpose to be let go of is what is happening. Saturn this year is Proud and Delighted, but in the natal spread it does have Starvation and Agitation. 10 of Spades denotes problems in life and our worst fears, but it is by resolving and facing them that new growth occurs, since 10 is the end and the beginning. The 5 of Clubs is also denoting change and growth through mental activity, plus it falls in the 5th card.
If it is possible, perhaps reading the Avasthas manual might help bring one thing at a time into consciousness? I would say the energies are in your favour, but it will depend on how much you allow the negative avasthas to play into it and divert the energies.
Thank you for your letter and sharing your own experiences.
"I had a look at your chart again today. This is what I am seeing...">Did you use the Solar return chart for that?
I dont know much about the cards.
"The time period you are going through is that of the Jupiter card of change". >Yes, there seems to be a lot of change and transformation involved in this experience.
"It follows the Mercury card of 6 of Diamonds denoting that the value of the situation is as good as it gets on this earthly plane before it starts to deteriorate".>What do you mean by that? After the transformation will be better?
"The cusps that fall in that card are the 4th and 7th.">I can relate to that. Living and marriage is strongly effected. I lived seperately because of too much problems but now I cant and live with my wife and because of the crisis and transformation involved it effects the relationship to the better. Home is also affected. I cant imagine going back to my flat. It seems I went the wrong path last few years. Do you mean that a new beginning in an existing situation is indicated or a totaly new beginning?
Did you use the Solar return chart for that?
I feel that I need to understand some more basic concepts of life before I can use astrology properly, but I see Nature’s ebb and flow better with the Cards system, so that is what I have used here.
"It follows the Mercury card of 6 of Diamonds denoting that the value of the situation is as good as it gets on this earthly plane before it starts to deteriorate".>What do you mean by that? After the transformation will be better?
There is a rhythm to everything in the universe. It starts low, reaches a height, and then collapses over itself only to begin the process again. If I take the example of the waves of the ocean, some are ripples, some are bigger than ripples, some are big enough to surf on, and there are others that can destroy everything in its path. But there is always a high and a low. How high will it go, who knows. But it is as high as it gets. At some other point in time, that high that it had reached before will be a low and it will reach a new height. But for this year, it has reached its height, and it is time to allow it to be and not put more energy into it until it comes back around at another time when putting energy into it will give something in return. In the meantime, best to concentrate on something else or something new that will begin a new wave that will reach its own height at some point in the future, before it begins its own process of decline and rebirth.
7th house is not only marriage, but it is partnerships or relationships of all kinds - with friends, family, co-workers, boss, groups. It is the opposite of ‘I’, where there is one more involved. There is no wrong path, only a path that allows us to experience certain things. If you are experiencing regret with taking that path, then that is a natural way of feeling emotions. But those emotions need to be acted upon too, and not allowed to sit stagnant.
Transformation can happen with existing situations or with new ones. A change within oneself can make the existing situation feel like a new one. But taking the old self into a new situation will yield the same results.
And could you elaborate on Rahu maturation? I am 42 and Rahu isplaced in 12th house. Why Rahu produces OCD?
Rahu does not produce OCD. Rahu causes confusion. Ketu is where we are comfortable behaving in a certain way. Rahu says “Try something new”. That’s where the feeling of discomfort comes in. Ketu causes us suffering, because behaving in old ways is not giving us the results that we are seeking. Rahu causes us suffering, because behaving in new ways is by default uncomfortable. So, at the point where you are, it ‘feels’ like you are stuck, not being able to move forward or back. This is also where a leap of faith is required.
In my example, my Ketu is in 7th house Cancer. I used to say that I can take care of the entire universe, and I can. But I could never understand why I could not hold on to a group of friends, or a family or even a child. It was later that I realised that even though I can take care of the entire universe, it is hard for me to take care of myself. I had never thought of myself or put myself first. So as I neared my Rahu maturation, I felt guilt for wanting what I wanted even though I needed it desperately, but I also could not change my beliefs about my Ketu. My thought was “If I am not needed, who am I and what is my worth?” That put me on my own journey of finding myself and my own worth.
But that stress of being stuck brought up a whole heap of complexes to the surface that I was not equipped to deal with. It was overwhelming. Not able to find a way out by wanting to stay within the confines of my beliefs and not trying something new caused the OCD to be triggered.
The path to becoming conscious is not easy. It is not only about changing perspectives but allowing the energy to shift directions that makes it hard. It is a backlash that needs to be endured.
I would recommend watching Ernst’s videos on Rahu-Ketu. Just start on the ones for your signs and placements and forget the rest for now. Start with the shorter one of Mastering Rahu-Ketu. When I listened to it first, I thought this is not right, isn’t it supposed to be the other way? But by that time, I had tried everything I knew about. The only thing left to do was listen to what someone else is saying and experiment with it. Knowing what to expect as I tried to change my behaviour helped me stay the course. There was discomfort the first few times, but it subsided the more I repeated the process. I allowed myself to be what I considered to be ‘selfish’ behaviour, but that is where my Rahu is. The more I did it, the more relaxed I felt. My Ketu in 7th will always be a part of me, but moving towards Rahu in 1st actually gives me more to give to Ketu in 7th.
I know this is all confusing, but this time period is definitely one of small steps of leaps of faith and experimentation. If it feels uncomfortable, in what way is it uncomfortable? Because it is new, or because it makes you feel worse? Are you doing what you have always done or are you trying something that is new to you? Are you trying out new beliefs or are you wanting to stay confined to what you used to believe in? Is that making you feel better or is it not working out? And beliefs can be anything from a 1st house thing to a 12th house thing, not only about religion.
Hello. Of all the knowledge that I have touched over the past 10 years (astrology, Ayurveda, hypnotherapy), I would recommend hypnotherapy to you. You have to work with the subconscious.
Consciously, you understand that you are already clean enough, but the subconscious makes you wash again and again. There is a school of hypnotherapy Gerald Kein and his students are in Austria. I recommend.
Thank you. I will look into that. I am living in Germany since some time. I relocated from Austria. Are such practicioner also in Germany?