I've started to perceive the defensiveness and extreme sensitivity to criticism (often imagined criticism) that people with shamed planets display in certain situations - whenever they get triggered, essentially.
The question is - how to communicate with people with these avasthas more effectively? It seems like a catch-22 to me, because approaching the topic will in itself be perceived as "shaming" and criticism by the person.
Someone very dear to me has 3 shamed planets - Moon, Venus, Mercury - and before learning about LAs I always sensed that he is very defensive, perceiving criticism in any remotely negative situation. On top of this sensitivity and seeing blame in everything, he is also unable to draw boundaries and communicate when he is not OK with something, despite me asking him (for years) to be more open and just tell me when something bothers him. (shamed Mercury)
Do you have any tips on how these topics can be approached with people, without them closing themselves off and feeling attacked?
The problem with bad LA planets is they are like deep wounds and even if slightly touched trigger a negative response. You need to see which planet is delighting them most and approach via that planet. For example if Saturn is badly hurt and mercury is mostly delighting it among all friendly planets to Saturn then approaching like a friend can help. If that planet is also a temp friend too meaning in nearby 3 signs from each side, then it can work even more effectively.
@amit thank you for your insight, Amit, that makes complete sense. So Mars would be the logical approach, Mercury the friendly/more casual approach perhaps with a dose of humour. Venus would be tact and diplomacy (with some flattery), Moon would be the emotionally sensitive and nurturing approach. Jupiter - wisdom and philosophy. What about Sun, would that be a more authoritative approach, like referring them to what professionals are saying on the topic? 😀
Hi Nadya- I had a quite similar reading with a very close friend with no shamed planets but heavily starved Moon, Saturn and Venus. She was going through eating disorder and a lot of other physical and psychological pains. She herself is a Coach and this was one of my most challenging readings of the few I did since shortly. She can be quite harsh in pinpointing behaviours resulting of low self esteem for example- like being really direct in a quite hurtful way, I experienced that. So this was very challenging because herself being very vulnerable to the things I told her about her chart. At the end she gave me a feedback and it was that she wished we could have talked lots more about the strong and positive aspects of her chart right at the beginning or at least with the same depth than I did with the bad Avashtas. I learned so much of this. It was not feeling pleasant to me but it was a good teaching. I also felt that possibly I am to close to here for such kind of reading- like with psychotherapy its better if its someone you are not familiar with. On the other hand I don´t think it is very helpful either to make a complete cozy cushion out of a reading, but it´s also not favourable when the person closes the door and you can not reach her/him anymore. I am still trying to figure out this sensitive equilibrium and it is different with each person.
@tamarap it definitely takes some finesse and diplomacy, I've only just started doing readings (free for now) but this is one of the reasons why I always add descriptions for the particularly good avasthas as well. I don't want it to feel like an attack or a doom-and-gloom kind of evaluation. This is the thing with vedic astrology, it's much more honest about the actual human experience, which is why I find it so much more useful and beautiful 🙂 But you have to be ready for it. Your friend's karma included hearing these things from you, no matter what her initial reaction may have been - I'm sure you planted some seeds that will end up being helpful to her going forward.
Here are my thoughts on this…
shamed planets are the hypersensitive points in someone and if they’re not ready to receive information on that it might be best not to force it. I think it’s best to develop a good rapport with them so they begin to open up and trust otherwise you’re just pouring salt on an open wound. A wounded animal will always attack if you try to help it while it’s in a traumatic state. We should approach it very delicately otherwise it can shut them down even more. I agree with Amit to approach it from the positive points impacting the shamed planet. I believe we should always focus on the positive of the chart and build up through their strengths….
@suzanstars thank you for your input, it makes complete sense. The message is pointless when the person is just not ready yet to hear it.
"Using" our astrological knowledge in relationships and friendships that aren't about an astrological context can be a slippery slope, for both people concerned. Knowing your own habits, need and purpose in this regard would also help you know better how to communicate. After all, why do you want to talk about their sensitivity, defensiveness and avasthas to them? Is that something they asked your help on? Or is it something that bothers you?
I say this, as it seems you are not really asking in the context of a formal astrological reading, but of someone you know from a long time. If I have misunderstood, I apologize in advance.
@leela I'm just beginning to notice it in the people in my life, which is very helpful to inform my astrological knowledge when I look at charts of people I don't yet know. In friends it has not bothered me at all, at least so far.
It does bother me with the person whom I referred to specifically with the 3 shamed planets. It's not that I want to force my astro knowledge on him, not at all, I'm just finding it sometimes truly impossible to communicate about basic everyday things (and usually completely trivial and harmless things) without him perceiving it as an attack. After all, life can't all be about compliments and reassurance, right? But yeah, that one will be a tough nut to crack...