Also, when parents die its the big chance to work out our issues with them. The reason its so hard to be around them as you mention is that we have bought into their treatment of us. We BELIEVE that's what the real us deserves. We need to recognize that its not. Last year I had my pluto venus square and venus is the father in Jaimini. I had to go take care of my dad who was old and falling apart and having alzeimers. As I was taking care of him I noticed that he was nto behaving ANY differently then when I was living with him 37-51 years ago. I got power of attorney on him as he was deemed unable, and yet, his behavior was no different and I started to realize that he was no more competent to behave when i was a child than he was now. That he had dementia behavior even back then. Then one day in May last year he got upset at me for something i did not do, just like when i was living with him, and for three days he was yelling at me and I went right back into childhood mode. In fact, my allergies came back which i had cured years ago, they came back with a FORCE and i was a total mess. On the night of the third day, I got angry inside for that treatment for something that i had not even done and the anger travelled up my spine into my brain and my brain said, NO WAY, this is not RIGHT. I am getting hurt by the ravings of a lunatic, someone who is diagnosed as dementia, and he was no different when I was a kid, WOW. i have been living of the belief that what a raving lunatic has been saying all my life was TRUE. WOW, how much better would my life have been had I known he was a lunatic then? And all of a sudden nothing he was saying or ever said meant anything more to me than the sound of the cars driving by on the road outside the house. Instantly my allergies went away. Since then I have been able to ask myself the refreshing question, what will I do know with my life and time now that I know that all those things I was holding onto and believing where not valid?
I think, you need to make some kind of shift like that with your father as well.
@ernst In caring for parents with mental health issue, I have learnt to take care of my own well being first before I can be a caretaker. So I placed a lot of boundaries with my father. I have blocked his number so he cannot call me 20-30 times in a day. I don't call him every weekend to ask him what he wants to eat. I simply order food to be delivered to him. Otherwise, he would have a long list of food items he wants and he wants them now. The nursing home is only able to call me if there is an emergency.
I am not ashamed of the boundaries I set with my father, even though he cries every time I call him that I don't speak to him often. I don't know what else to do to protect my own mental state. He has tried to attack my self-worth and self-esteem when he does not get what he wants but I try not to let it get to me.
I have reached a stage where I am ok with not having a father. His presence in my life has not brought me any happiness but I do have a lot of trust issues surrounding men because of him. Being raised by a strong grandmother, I try to be as independent as possible but there will always be a wound in you that never heals.
@ernst Hi Ernst, my dad passed 2 months ago. I have made peace with him and whatever issues I had with him. I do regret not spending more time with him like he would have wanted but my therapist advised me that thinking in that manner or having regrets will not be helpful in my healing. I realized how much I loved him but he could not play the role of father for me the way I had it in my mind.
I have sun and mercury in the 7th Taurus. ( venus sign) so that is trashed. 4th house lord Saturn is in the 12th with mars in libra. Yeah, that is not good as well.
Yep. Rahu in 9th here and I'm entering the onset of the same issues with Dad (parkinson's and major cognitive decline) and there was always trouble with my parents being a "team".
I don't think I'll have the luxury of setting boundaries though. And because of his Saturn, it could draw on for years and years and years. And I've also inherited much of his neurological predispositions and challenges and starting to have much more trouble than he did at my age.
S.
Its really important to remove the strain. I find that people in your dad's situation spent years and years in conflict with themselves and that this conflict instead of being resolved, was projected onto the outside and others, or somehow not resolved. Look into your own internal conflicts. I had to do this for myself as I noticed that my dad had so much internal conflict and so did I. I was trying to resolve it with astrology but finally realized there is no resolving it, its about letting all our parts coexist in a frame work of what is with 100% acceptance. If we don't work out these internal conflicts our brains are constantly trying to resolve them and its simply to much strain on our brains and nervous systems and so they will fail from overuse.
I was trying to resolve it with astrology but finally realized there is no resolving it, its about letting all our parts coexist in a frame work of what is with 100% acceptance.
I am a bit confused. Are you saying to ignore Laj. Avsts. and Ra/Ke with situations involving our Dad. Because my main L.A. problems are in my 10th (though Rahu is in my 9th) where my asc. lord, which is also my pitru karaka, is located between the starved Sa-Ma conjunction. My issues caused by this aren't just with my Dad though.
Just to be clear, I am definitely not trying to get him to solve his own L.A.s as he is not into astrology. And in his case we are talking a very close Moon-Saturn conjunction in Leo/his 4th, Sun-Rahu-shaming Venus in 2nd, and a Mars right on the ascendent cusp simultaneously aspecting the Sa-Mo conjunction by what I think I remember as more than 30 points. So I am not trying to fix his astrology at this point thats for sure!
Or are you saying certain people with such inner conflict (including myself) should just ignore astrology completely(including L.A.s and Ra/Ke) and not try to improve ourselves, our habits, and the related situations in any area? Just give in to everything the way it is and resign to fate without resolving our inner conflicts?